A Few Modest Proposals

It would seem that in the pursuit of greater international understanding and amity between neighbors, South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun made a modest proposal to the Japanese government to the effect that the Sea of Japan be renamed the Sea of Peace. This is an exceedingly modest initiative on the President's part, and it fails to do justice to the demands of Mr. Noh's countrymen that Korea be given its rightfully prominent place in all of the world's geography textbooks; no, appellations like "Sea of Peace" and "East Sea" simply will not do, and it's time that all of mankind joined hands to give that stretch of water the one label it obviously merits, namely "Sea of Corea"; having done this, we can then correct other shameful misnamings as follows:

• "Japan" -> "East Corean Archipelago"
• "East Asia" -> "Corean Subcontinent"
• "Pacific Ocean" -> "Corean Ocean"
• "Asia" -> "Greater Corea"/"Corea Major"
• "Europe" -> "The Western Corean Peninsula"
• "The Middle East" -> "Corea Minor"
• "Earth" -> "The Planet of the Coreans"
• "The Sun" -> "Corean Yellow Star"
• "Milky Way Galaxy" -> "Corean Galaxy" (what else could it be?)

Having rid ourselves of these confusing old names, we can then proceed to such vital tasks as adjusting Universal Standard Time to a saner value, based on how far east or west of Seoul one happens to be; with such modest initiatives in motion, the hard-done-by Coreans - who alone in the history of mankind have suffered several unbroken millenia of holocausts at the hands of the Japanese and other evil, racially impure foreigners - will finally know a measure of that psychic well-being which has long been denied them. Today Dokdo belongs to Corea, tomorrow the entire universe!

Meanwhile, in the real world, millions continue to starve in a certain dictatorship on the western side of the Sea of Japan ...